Your face is a jimmy john
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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