just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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