Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
