my soul wont recognize me after tonight
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
