You're a womanizer and a bitch.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
