Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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