Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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