It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
