okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
