eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
