does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Randomize
