At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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