based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
