Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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