Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
