Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
do nipples grow back?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
