Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
