Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
