i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
