i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
