I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
