every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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