Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
