Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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