I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
