I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
