Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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