its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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