hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
