im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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