The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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