Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
