I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
