I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
