Buhtt sex?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
