Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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