the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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