I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
