I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
