A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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