if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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