I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
