I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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