Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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