I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Randomize
