For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
