The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
