i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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