I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
