Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No more Irish car bombs ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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