well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
