I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
