Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
