i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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