I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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