There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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