Me. At least after what I've been through.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
