last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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