I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
