she pinky promised me she was 18
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
