You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
