i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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