I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
