I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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