apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
