you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
