My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
