if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize